


One Fine Day (Or How Draco Malfoy Finally Told Harry Potter To Shut Up)

by NicWin



Series: Pop Goes the Weasel [15]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dialogue Heavy, Disguise, Draco Malfoy in the Muggle World, F/M, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Humor, Powerful Draco Malfoy, Ron Weasley Bashing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:01:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23137360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicWin/pseuds/NicWin
Summary: After the Daily Prophet reports that Ron Weasley was misidentified, Draco Malfoy pays Harry Potter a visit.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
Series: Pop Goes the Weasel [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1482440
Comments: 4
Kudos: 63





	One Fine Day (Or How Draco Malfoy Finally Told Harry Potter To Shut Up)

“Potter!”

Harry Potter grimaced as he heard Draco Malfoy enter his IUM office, he wondered if it was too late to Apparate somewhere, then he remembered that the Ministry had anti-Apparation spells in place.

“Y-yes,” Harry hated that he stammered.

“Did you have anything to do with this?” Draco fumed and threw a Daily Prophet newspaper on his desk. The headline: _Weasley Mistaken Identity Revealed._

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Malfoy, I’ve been in my office all day,” he said as he looked at the headline.

Draco glared at the other wizard, “Don’t play dumb with me, I already know you’re dumb as shite so it won’t help you. I’m going to ask again, did you have anything to do with this?”

“And if I did?”

“Then you’ll be jobless and escorted from the Ministry.”

“How do you know this isn’t a Rita Skeeter fluff story?”

“Because she didn’t write it, arsehole. It came from an American wire service.”

Harry paled.

Draco leaned in and pulled out his wand and sent a spell to slam the door shut, “So, did you?”

Harry sighed, “Yes.”

Draco straightened, “Potter, you are in deep shite. Actually deep shite is an understatement, you are covered in it.”

“What do you mean?”

“The Wizengamot memorandum, did you not read it?”

“Uh, no it’s on my to do list,” Harry scrambled for the memo in his inbox and held it aloft for the blond wizard to see, “See?”

Draco’s lip curled, reminding Harry of meeting Lucius Malfoy in Flourish and Blotts prior to Second Year.

“I suggest you read it now. Then come to my office,” Draco looked at the Man-Who-Lived-To-Make-His-Life-Hell giving him the once over, “preferably on your hands and knees, begging.” He left the Wizarding world’s saviour to read in peace.

* * *

After Draco left Harry read the memorandum, as he did colour drained from his face. _Pursuant to this vote on 12 November 2012, and joint resolution 366, The Wizengamot hereby renders Harry Potter, Head of the Improper Use of Magic Office, incapable of conducting business related to his family-in-law, the Weasleys, in all matters herein pertaining. Also relieves Mr Potter of his yearly review of one Ronald Billius Weasley, a convicted and Obliviated wizard of 13 years. Mr Potter is to adhere to these oversight requirements immediately less risk termination and pending insubordination charges._

“Well shite…” Harry put his face in his hands. He sat in office pondering his next steps but came up with nothing, “Might as well,” he relented as he grabbed his wand and headed for Malfoy’s office, on the way up to the patrician blond’s office he wondered what was going to happen to him. Harry lightly rapped on Draco’s office door.

“You can just go in Mr Potter, he’s expecting you,” Hestia said looking up from her desk.

When Harry opened the door, Draco’s chair was turned away facing the window which was enchanted to look like Sydney Harbour. Harry rolled his eyes, the blond could be dramatic sometimes.

“So…” Harry began, which caused Draco to turn his chair, smirking. Again Harry rolled his eyes, mentally this time. “What’ll it take for you to help me?” Harry decided to be ungrateful until he couldn’t.

“You have nothing I want,” Draco said, still smirking.

“Come on Malfoy, you know as well as I that the Americans got this one wrong. Help me.”

“Do I? How do I know Potter because from where I’m sitting, you are the guilty party, not the muggle NYPD.”

“Malfoy, do you honestly expect me to own up for helping a friend that was wrongfully accused?”

Draco raised a questioning eyebrow, “Wrongfully accused? Was it not you that came to me and told me point blank that Ronald Weasley robbed a muggle liquor store, how is that being wrongfully accused? And unless you’ve been Obliviated, I’ll remind you that Ronald Weasley was a convicted wizard, who was given chance after chance to move on and live and yet he _chose_ to cause trouble. He was caught, tried, convicted, and sentenced. So what was he wrongfully accused of?”

Harry slammed his hands on the blond’s table, “Ron is not a murderer, yes, he robbed a liquor store but he didn’t kill anyone! I had to do it!”

Draco sighed, the fun part was over, “I fear you have lost your way, Potter. The American muggle judicial system has its faults but they do not punish unjustly. If Ronald Weasley was charged with murder there would be a thorough investigation, they have that motto what is it? Oh yes, ‘innocent until proven guilty’. They also have legal appeals and those pesky Constitutional amendments, they would protect Weasley—the law—would protect Weasley he doesn’t need you coming in like some kind of guardian angel. So, why did you, because while I know Weasley was a friend, he hasn’t been for more than a decade and Ginny told me you blame me for making you keep tabs on him, but Hermione told you she would try and get your yearly review of Weasley removed, and you didn’t object, so why did you do it?”

Harry huffed, he hated when Malfoy was the voice of reason, “Because I met his son, he reminded me of Ron and a bit of Dudley, actually. The kid was brash but I could tell he was in pain and I thought if I could prevent him turning into what Ron eventually did, I would feel less guilty about what I did to Ron and his family all those years ago.”

“You’re a good man, Potter. Misguided but good. Your choice that day in 1999 doesn’t define your relationship with the Weasleys. Ginny adores you, I don’t know why, but she does. Arthur and Molly don’t hold you responsible for their son’s actions, they don’t even hold me responsible and I’m the one who took him down, so to speak. Why do you keep letting your past define you? You have a career, a family, and you nearly threw it away for Ronald Weasley.”

“Nearly? Does that mean you’ll help me?” Harry brightened.

Draco rolled his eyes at the dark-haired wizard’s obviousness, “Yes Potter, have a seat.”

* * *

“Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you?” Hermione asked in bed.

“That’s quite alright, darling, I’ll be fine, plus Potter will be there should the ponce get violent.”

“But are you sure this is a good idea,” still sceptical.

“It gets rid of two problems at once so whether it’s a good idea or not it gets rid of two problems and will ease Potter’s guilt, Gods willing.”

“Okay, good luck,” she kissed her husband for the last time until his and Harry’s plan was complete, then she pulled him down for something more, a lot more. When she was pregnant with Scorpius and the twins her sex drive went into overdrive and Draco really liked it. It was the same with this baby but since she wouldn’t be seeing her husband for the next month and a half and the fact that she still had duties as Headmistress, this will have to do.

* * *

_Six weeks later_

“I swear to Merlin, Potter, if you fuck up I’m going to blast you so far back you’ll end up in detention with Umbridge. So shut up, get the scapegoat ready, and for once in your life do as I say.”

Harry nodded as they neared the Apparition point for Azkaban.

“Lord Black, as requested Prisoner 786 is waiting in Interrogation Room 5,” the Azkaban guard on duty said once he checked the credentials of the two Ministry officials.

“Thank you, Mortimer,” Draco replied, turning to Harry he addressed the other wizard, “Prisoner 786 is in Azkaban for the use of the Imperius, Mr Potter, you may interview him now.”

Harry nodded, and was escorted to Interrogation Room 5 by the guard while Draco waited. Approximately 45 minutes later, he and the guard escorted the prisoner in magical handcuffs out of the prison. Once the guard returned to the prison, Harry opened a vial and told the prisoner to drink. After that, he told the prisoner to touch the water bottle Draco was holding, Harry did the same. When they arrived in a side alley in New York, Harry took off the magical handcuffs and before the prisoner could make a run, Draco cuffed him with muggle ones and told him to sit. Meanwhile, Harry had transfigured his and Draco’s clothes into NYPD uniforms.

“All right, let’s go,” Draco said as he led the prisoner out of the side alley and towards the police precinct holding Ron Weasley. “Make a fuss, and I’ll blow your head off,” Draco reminded the prisoner gruffly.

Once they were in the police station, Draco handed the prisoner to Harry and walked toward the reception.

“Hey there,” Draco said in his best American accent, “I’m looking for Captain Newsome, me and my partner radioed in about Julian Pearce,” Draco pointed to Harry and the prisoner as the officer on duty looked.

“Malfoy, right?”

“That’s right, Derek Malfoy from the 27th, at your service,” Draco smiled.

“Okay, let me get the Chief.” The officer left and returned minutes later followed by an attractive woman with wavy brunette hair, but to Draco she looked formidable. He was reminded of Hermione.

“Officer Malfoy, this is Captain Newsome,” the officer introduced.

“Captain Newsome," Draco greeted.

“Officer Malfoy, is that him?” Captain Newsome asked pointing towards Harry and the prisoner.

“Yep, that’s him.”

Captain Newsome shook her head in disbelief, “He looks just like the supposed John Doe in holding.”

Draco chuckled, “He should, they’re twins.”

“Twins? They don’t have the same last name, though.”

“Oh, that’s because with them two it’s a bit of a Parent Trap problem, the one you have stayed in Queens with his mother while Pearce over there went to Oregon with his father. When we picked him up, he laughed and asked, ‘what dumb shit did my little brother do to lead you to me?’”

Newsome laughed, "That explains a lot. All right, well, the DA will drop the felony escape charge from John Doe and the other charges related to Pearce so he’ll probably be released on a misdemeanor petty thief charge."

“Out of curiosity, what did your guy rob from the liquor store and how, my captain was not too specific with details,” Draco asked because Harry wasn’t forthcoming with the details.

“Oh, the idiot robbed the A-1 Liquor on Metropolitan with a toy Nerf gun he stuffed into his jacket, but all he left with was 86 bucks and a bottle of tequila, since the manager had just returned from the bank a couple of hours before,” Newsome explained.

Draco laughed, “What an idiot.”

“So what about Pearce, how’d you catch him?”

“It was surprisingly easy, he was waiting for the subway going uptown and his hat fell off as he walked by his own APB poster. My partner spotted him first and then he led us on a little chase before he tripped over a sax player’s case and was tackled.”

"Oh my God, they’re both stupid. It’s hard to believe that Pearce killed two people. By the way, what's our John Doe’s name he didn’t have any ID on him.”

“I know, right? And John Doe is actually Ron Weasley. I have his ID right here,” Draco handed the ID over.

“Weasley, huh? It’s fitting because when the cops came he was scurrying away like a weasel.”

Draco couldn’t help it, he laughed.

“So, my cap says we’re to turn Pearce over to you and get confirmation that Weasley’s charges will be reduced, so I guess he’s all yours,” Draco waved Harry over with the prisoner. Harry handed the prisoner over to two uniforms.

“Well Officer Malfoy, it’s been a pleasure.”

“All mine, entirely.”

Once Draco and Harry left the precinct, Draco said, “I swear to Merlin, Potter, this is the last thing I’m ever doing for you for Weasley, I don’t give a shite if you are my son’s godfather. So you better fucking watch your back because if the Weasel or his brood cause trouble for me and mine, I’ll come after you.”

Harry sighed relieved.

“By the way, you didn't tell me that even as a muggle Weasley is still pathetic. I mean robbing a liquor store with a toy gun and getting away with a measly $86 and a bottle of booze, that’s fucking comical,” Draco laughed.

“Shut up Malfoy, at least I’ll rest easy now that Ron’s been identified.” 

After that, the two wizards walked in silence and snuck into an empty alley, transfigured their clothes back to normal before touching the water bottle portkey for the return trip back to London.

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter did not want to get written! Plus with everything going on I had little time to actually just sit and write. This may not be what some of you were expecting but there's a method to my madness. It'll all come to a head, eventually. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it. And stay safe.


End file.
